7. Copper-colored Hope
[*All book/grief posts are numbered for easy following or avoiding if necessary.]
In the aftermath of Mom’s departure, we all had our own ways of coping and unique approaches to grasp onto hope. My dad found pennies. Let me clarify. In the darkness of life without Mom, Dad looked down and found hope in shimmers of copper-colored light glinting back at him.
These weren’t just “oh, a penny!” moments. When my dad picked up the pennies, what he found felt deeper. He would check the years of these dingy pieces of hope. Each time, he felt significance in the penny’s year. Sometimes it was the birth year of one of their children. Other times it was the year they were married. In fact, Dad found their anniversary year a ridiculous number of times. He took these as nudges from Mom’s spirit, encouragement to keep going.
I might assume this was a lovely tall tale, but I saw the pennies. He would tell me over the phone, “I found another 1976 penny today,” and he would bring them home. I’ve never investigated the likelihood (were pennies churned out in massive amounts that year?), but I’ve never wanted to. Wherever they came from, they lifted my dad’s heart and gave him a glimmer of love from beyond. That was all I needed to know.
Along with the anniversary pennies, Dad would bring home the ones with our birth years on them. I felt like there was a lot for my brother and sister. Not as many for me. I decided that maybe I would find a penny meant for me one day.
When I saw a penny, I’d scoop it up and hope for a sign in the year, much like Charlie looking for the golden ticket in a Wonka bar. The results led to stretched relevance, “Oh, 1990. I was 10. Maybe that’s something.”
Then one day I was flying home from somewhere. As I approached my seat, a bit of copper flashed in the light from the oval window. It was laying right by my seatbelt. I remember gasping and thinking, “this must be it!”. I slid into my spot and grabbed the penny as I sat down. I took a breath and looked at the year. Unremarkable. I can’t even remember what it was. Disappointment set in as I held the penny and flipped it over. Instead of the usual design, the words “One Cent” were framed by two pieces of wheat. It was a wheat penny. WHEAT penny. I had never seen one before, but a wheat penny was waiting on my seat, and my name was WHEATley. I’d definitely found my penny.
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It’s been ages since the pennies. I still have the wheat penny tucked in a memory box with photos of my mom and me. Last week I was wondering if people even find pennies anymore in general. While walking with my son, my husband spotted a penny on the ground. I excitedly scooped it up and checked the year. 1973. My mom would have been a junior in high school? Nah. Guess it was just a penny. When I looked again, I realized that Lincoln’s face had a major gouge across his face. The scratch was nearly identical to the deep scar across my husband’s cheek. “This one is definitely for YOU!” I exclaimed. My husband carefully tucked the penny into his pocket and brought it home, later placing it within the edge of a picture frame.
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There is a story about pennies that I have heard passed around. Essentially, a wealthy man always stops to pick up pennies, even though he doesn’t need the money. People ask him why he does this and he points out that pennies all have an important message, “In God We Trust.” He picks them up for that reminder. My dad would sometimes share that story along with his own penny-collecting journey. While the pennies might have reminded us to trust in a higher power, even in our darkest days, they also made us feel seen, loved, and encouraged.
I hope glints of light appear when you have your head down in darkness.
No Generative AI was used in the writing of this post. Any financial boost goes directly to encouraging me as a writer who ‘does her own stunts.’
This is so lovely! ☺️ When they first printed Romanian currency with a woman on it, I placed the first bill I got my hands on in my wallet, promising myself never to spend it. Turns out, life happens, and a couple months ago I had to use it. On the very same day, I unexpectedly got another. Granted, they have become more common now, but I still took it as a good sign. Oh, the little things.